Calming a crying baby: Everything you need to know

Swaddling and carrying

In the womb, your baby is all tucked up tight, and some babies find the freedom of life outside the womb disconcerting. Swaddling replicates this snug feeling, tucking in arms and legs so that babies can’t startle themselves with their flailing limbs. Follow the safe swaddling guidelines and make sure your little one doesn’t get too hot.

If you find your baby wants the snugness of swaddling but still to be close to you, look for a baby sling that offers the best of both. Again, always follow the safety guidelines and keep an eye on their temperature.

Rocking, patting and moving

Gentle movement also echoes the feeling of being in utero, when your little one was floating around in amniotic fluid and rocked by their mother’s movements. You can mimic this movement by rocking your baby from side to side, either cradling them in your arms or placing them tummy down over your forearm. This can help ease tummy pain if your little one is suffering with wind. Never shake your baby. If you find your rocking is veering towards the frenetic, hand them off to someone else or put them safely in their cot and take some time to calm down.

If your baby needs motion more than proximity to you, get them into the buggy or car seat and take them out – though do remember that you should limit your baby’s time in a car seat to 30 minutes for newborns and 2 hours for older babies. Fresh air will do you both some good, and sometimes a change of scenery is enough to distract your baby from whatever was troubling them. Alternatively, try a firm, consistent patting on their back or bottom, or long firm strokes of your hand, which you can at least do while sitting down.

White noise and soothing sounds

Again, harkening back to life in the womb, a baby’s life before entering the world was never silent – which may be why many babies respond to white noise and soothing sounds. You could try simply shushing them (gently – not like you’re trying to tell them off!) or ask your smart speaker to play white noise. There are also hundreds of white noise videos on YouTube that often come with pretty visuals your little one might find distracting.

Pacifying

You might have seen your baby sucking their thumb during your ultrasound scan, but this doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll be able to do it out in the real world. Learning the coordination to get that thumb into their mouth can take time – and meanwhile your little one might be missing the ability to self-soothe. You could consider offering a dummy or pacifier to see if this helps your baby calm down when they’re crying.

There are pros and cons to both dummies and thumb/finger sucking so give it some thought before you dive in with a dummy and remember it should be considered a temporary solution – the NHS recommends you stop using a dummy by the time your baby is 12 months old. (Thumb sucking is rather harder to restrict!)

Some babies need something to hold, rather than something to suck. You could try offering your baby a comforter or breathable fabric like muslin to see if it helps.

Hangry babies

Have you ever been so hungry you can’t think straight? It happens to the best of us – and to our babies. If your little one is crying at feeding time, it may be that they have got so hungry that they are uncomfortable and frustrated, which in turn can make it difficult for them to latch on to the breast or focus on the bottle sufficiently to get the milk they need. Try to avoid letting it get to this stage by feeding at the first signs of hunger – look out for your little one rooting around your chest, sucking on their fists, or opening and closing their mouths.

Perfecting the latch

If your baby is finding it difficult to latch on to the breast, try to find out what’s going on. Engorged breasts can be very firm, making it difficult for the baby to latch on – in which case expressing some milk first may help. Check your positioning by looking at the NHS ‘how to breastfeed’ guidance, which includes step-by-step photos. And if it’s still not working, it’s worth asking your healthcare professional to check your baby for tongue ties, which may prevent them from connecting properly.

Discomfort

Some babies experience discomfort during feeding because they have gas or reflux – we’ll go into this in more detail in a moment. If you don’t think it’s that, try adjusting their position, make sure their clothes are dry and comfortable, their nappy doesn’t need changing and they feel properly supported. It might just be a question of finding a position that suits you both.

Learning curve

In the early weeks of your baby’s life, all of this is a huge adjustment for all of you so try to cut yourselves some slack. If you’re bottle feeding, take turns with your partner and give yourself permission to get some rest. If you’re breastfeeding, remember this is a steep learning curve for you both – and it can take time for your body to adjust. Don’t be afraid to seek advice from your local breastfeeding support group. It’s so important to look after yourself and get the support you need.

All babies cry, but if your baby’s crying feels out of the ordinary or unmanageable , talk to a healthcare professional. It could be that there’s a problem – in which case, there might be a solution!

Colic

The NHS says, ‘your baby may have colic if they cry for more than 3 hours a day, 3 days a week, for at least 1 week but are otherwise healthy’. Unfortunately, there’s no other explanation for colic beyond that. It’s thought it might be to do with digestion – more on that shortly – but otherwise the advice is basically to try to soothe them, try to look after yourself, and wait it out. Colic normally clears up by the time your little one is 3 – 4 months old.

Clearly, that’s not what you want to hear when you’re listening to your baby cry for 3+ hours a day. This is where it’s so important to build your village – make sure your partner is fully involved, seek help from friends and family, and speak to other families who are going through the same thing. Take time for yourself when you can and try to manage your time so that both parents get some rest – even if that means buying some earplugs and sleeping in the spare room for a while.

Crying due to illness

If your little one is crying more than usual, or their cry sounds different to normal, it could be that they’re feeling poorly. Look out for other signs of illness such as a high temperature, flushed skin, a rash, snotty nose, etc. and take them to the doctor if you’re concerned.

Food allergies or sensitivities

Around 7% of babies under one are allergic to cow’s milk protein , which is present in most formula milks and could also be passed through breast milk from cow’s milk in the mother’s diet. Other allergens – such as eggs, soy or gluten – could also affect a breastfed baby through the mother’s diet and may cause digestive discomfort, such as bloating, wind, sickness, diarrhoea and constipation.

If you are concerned that your baby has an allergy or food sensitivity, speak to a healthcare professional. Allergen-friendly formula milks are available but should only be used on the advice of a doctor.

Gas or digestive issues

Wind, bloating, tummy cramps, diarrhoea and constipation can all make your baby very distressed. And while you know what’s going on in their nappy – or not – it can be harder to tell what’s going on in their tummies. If your little one is crying and pulling their legs up, or if you can see their tummy is bloated, try some gentle massage to help their digestive system do its job.

A couple of moves that are really good for tummies: firm (but not too hard) strokes down the abdomen with the flat of your hands, using one hand and then the other for a continuous motion; smooth your hand clockwise, rotating from the heel of your hand to make a fan shape, again using one hand and then the other; work those little legs by holding one foot in each hand and gentle moving them towards and away from the abdomen in a bicycling motion. You could also try gently pushing both knees together towards their abdomen to put gentle pressure on their tummy.

To help avoid gas building up in your baby’s tummy, make sure you’re giving plenty of time after a feed to get those burps up. Don’t lay them down too quickly. You might also like to try feeding them in a more upright position to see if that helps.

Reflux (GERD)

Reflux occurs when a mixture of milk and stomach acid travels back up the food pipe (oesophagus) instead of passing through to the large and small intestines, irritating the lining of the oesophagus and making it sore. This can be very uncomfortable for your baby. The most obvious symptom of reflux is that your baby will spit up milk after a feed, but it is also possible to have silent reflux, where your little one isn’t being sick – in which case their crying might seem unexplained. Reflux can be eased by using specially formulated milk, made for easier digestion, or with medicine that reduces the production of stomach acid. See your healthcare professional for advice. You could also experiment with different feeding positions and try keeping your baby upright for longer after a feed to see if that helps.

Overstimulation

If you’ve been trying to soothe a crying baby, you’ll know exactly how it feels to be overstimulated. It’s sensory overload. Babies can feel the same way and you might be surprised to find that this – not any kind of physical discomfort – is why your baby won’t stop crying. Having run through the gauntlet of rocking, patting, shushing, feeding, changing, it might be that your little one actually needs peace, quiet and stillness – just like you.

Try to create a space in the house that provides that stillness, where you can lay your baby down in their cot or Moses basket. Think about getting the temperature right – not too warm, not too cold – and keeping the lighting low. Remember, you don’t need to stay with them while they nap. Leave the door open or use a baby monitor so you can hear them, but as long as your baby is in a safe space you can leave them be and give yourself a bit of space as well.

Bear in mind that putting your little one into this safe quiet space won’t always work instantly. Give them a little while to figure it out. You can hover outside the door and go straight back in if you don’t think it’s working, but sometimes unwinding is something babies need to figure out on their own.

Parenting is always hard – and it’s even harder when your baby won’t stop crying. There’s absolutely no shame in seeking support. If you’re worried about your baby , talk to a healthcare professional. They should be able to help you identify what’s going on or else reassure you that your baby is well.

If you are finding it hard to cope with a crying baby, know that you’re not alone. Charities and support groups have been set up with you in mind. Check out Cry-sis for information on the support that’s available to you.