Building bonds: nurturing sibling connections from the start

Research shows that early sibling relationships are powerful predictors of emotional resilience, empathy, and conflict resolution later in life. In the first few years, your child’s brain is making millions of connections every second. Positive sibling interactions support the growth of key areas in the brain responsible for social understanding, impulse control, and emotional regulation.

The Behaviour Balance System™ encourages families to take a preventative, responsive, and restorative approach - recognising that early nurturing moments can build strong foundations for future wellbeing. Let’s unpack this approach together.

As parents and carers we are setting up both internal and external worlds for our children. While preparing for your baby's arrival, it’s important to prepare your older child’s heart and mind as well.

This one is a challenge, let’s be honest! One of the most natural things we do as humans is to compare. But remembering that every child is unique, and every sibling bond will develop in its own time and way is vital. Using this lens allows us to celebrate each child individually.

Balance Scripts: Instead of: “You’re much better at this than your brother was.” Try: “I love the way you take your time. It shows such care.”

Science insight: Early experiences of being compared can undermine self-esteem.

If you are concerned this may already have started, or want to prepare so that it doesn’t, resources within The Behaviour Bank™ offer simple scripts and support strategies to nurture individuality while encouraging closeness.

Time is our most precious commodity. Carving out even tiny pockets of one-to-one time with your older child is powerful. It reassures them they haven’t lost you and they’re gaining something new. This can feel like a balancing act and come with a whole host of parent guilt. We cannot be in two places at the same time! Remember that it is quality and consistency over quantity.

Connection is the key to a great deal when it comes to our children. In fact, it is one of their greatest human needs. Children need freedom to build sibling bonds at their own pace. You can create open opportunities without forcing interactions in a variety of ways through what you say and do.

We might not understand why children feel the things they feel, but big feelings are part of welcoming a new sibling. Emotions are how we ‘make sense of the world’ and children need their emotions acknowledged, not dismissed.It is only through acknowledgement that we can navigate ways to process emotions. And guess what - this is not just for our children!

People often think that resilience is about "being tough" or "just getting over it." But the truth is, it’s not about hiding emotions, pretending everything is okay, or pushing children to be independent before they're ready.

Real resilience is about helping children feel safe enough to experience big emotions, supported enough to try again after setbacks, and connected enough to know they are never alone, even when things are hard.

It’s the ability to bend without breaking, to feel and heal, and to trust that mistakes, struggles, and challenges are all natural parts of growing up, not signs that something is wrong.

When we nurture resilience with connection, compassion, and gentle guidance, we give our children the lifelong tools they need to thrive, not just survive. Conflict between siblings will happen and it’s not only natural, it’s necessary for social learning. Here are some after conflict go- to’s to help navigate these challenges.

Juggling everyday life can leave us feeling exhausted. Parenting is not easy, and we can sometimes get so bogged down in the challenges that we overlook what is happening around us. Wins come in all different sizes and we want children to notice and celebrate each and every one! Tap into this and support them through noticing and naming acts of kindness, teamwork, and caring. Connecting these to your child’s character strengths is a great way to build connection whilst also building a positive sense of self!