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How to cope with your return to work after maternity leave
Unless you’re going to be a stay-at-home parent, mentally preparing for your return to work is an important stage of the first year of parenthood. This can stir up a lot of anxiety, but fear not Elinor our Relationship Therapist has advice to help you adjust to these new demands.
Before it begins, maternity leave can feel like a long break from the rat race, where you can just focus on your baby and put all of your work woes to one side for up to 12 luxurious months. Of course, the reality is usually the complete opposite: the time goes WAY too fast, and your imagined long lazy days with baby fly by in a whirl of nappies, piles of laundry and broken nights. By the time you’re returning to work after maternity leave, you’re often more exhausted than ever. However, unless you’re going to be a stay-at-home parent, mentally preparing for your return to work is an important stage of the first year of parenthood. This can stir up a lot of anxiety, so here are my tips as a Therapist to help you adjust to these new demands:
1. Talk to others.
When you’re starting to consider your options about your return to work, it’s often helpful to seek advice from others, such as your HR department, or other parents at your work. They may be able to give you information about the pros and cons of full time vs. part time, finding a job share, or what flexible working options there are. Don’t be afraid to ask - a company that really values you will try to make it as smooth as possible for you to come back to work. It can also be helpful to speak to friends with older children to see how they found the transition and to see what advice they can offer to help you feel more reassured.
2. Consider all possible childcare options.
It can feel very odd to leave your baby in someone else’s care when you’ve been their primary caregiver for a long time. This can stir up feelings of loss and it’s natural that finding the right childcare can feel overwhelming. Giving yourself plenty of time to make the right decision is going to be vital so you don’t feel rushed. Checking out several nurseries and childminders gives you the chance to weigh up the different benefits until you find one that feels suitable. Don’t be afraid to ask the difficult questions that would help you decide. You may also find it helpful to consider other options like a nanny share, or allowing a family member to help on one of your working days. Try not to put pressure on yourself to find perfection however. It’s ok to find something that is suitable for now while your baby is little, but giving yourself permission to adjust your choice as their needs change.
3. Share the load with the other parent.
Although you may be the one returning to work, it’s not all on you to make the big decisions. Talking to your partner or co-parent about the options is going to help you lighten the load. This can be tricky if you’re no longer in a relationship with them, and you may find it helpful to consult a Relationship Therapist to help you build on your co-parenting communication if you’re not together. Either way, they may well be keen to be involved in making the right decisions with childcare and helping you return to work more easily. Remember you can share up to 50 weeks of leave between you as Parental Leave, so this may be worth considering if you’re not taking your full allowance.
4. Focus on the positives.
It’s natural that leaving your baby can stir up anxieties. What if they need me when I’m not there? How will I be able to concentrate at work all day? What if the childcare falls through? All parents have these concerns at some stage, so try to be kind to yourself and understand that it’s normal to worry when you’re doing something outside of your comfort zone. You may wish to reassure yourself that in the past you’ve found ways to overcome new challenges, telling yourself “I can do this”. It can also be helpful to focus on the positive reasons for returning to work, such as being able to use your brain in a different way, to increase your financial security or to have some more adult time. Returning to work doesn’t have to be an “either/or” experience, either fully positive or fully negative. It’s normally more like “both/and”, containing plenty of challenges but many exciting advantages too.
However and whenever you make the move back to work, I hope you can do so with the utmost compassion for yourself. It’s not easy so just focus on each small step, one at a time, and you’ll find your ‘new normal’ in no time.
Good luck!
Elinor x
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