How to maintain your identity through parenthood

In the first few months of parenthood, it can be easier to hang around with mum friends with babies the same age so you can bond over weird nappies, Wonder Weeks leaps, and the pros and cons of baby led weaning. However, as the phrase goes, ‘you can’t grow an old friend’ and so making plans with friends who knew you pre-baby can be a great way to reconnect with your identity. It can be really refreshing to hear what else has been going on in the world while you’ve been surviving sleepless nights. Your friends are hopefully interested in your role as a parent, but you also have a vital role to play as a friend. It can be wonderful to remember the value that you bring to others by seeing yourself through their eyes.

However long some days feel, this stage of life really isn’t forever, so trying to be present and enjoying the little moments with your babies is vital to protect against future regret. However, this doesn’t mean you have to put thinking about your future completely on hold. Many people find that becoming a parent gives them a new perspective on their purpose and a chance to reflect on what they want out of life. Maybe it’s a realisation that, despite your high-flying career, you do want to be a stay- at- home parent. Or perhaps you’ve now got the motivation to really push yourself in your career, so you can provide more financial security for your family. Some parents think about retraining or finding a more flexible career. Reflecting on your options for the future can be useful if you’re noticing a loss of identity, as you may find new ways of connecting to the person you’ve always wanted to be. It can make you feel anxious not to have all the answers yet, so while you work all this out (and you will!) then try to be kind to yourself. You’ll get there, but beating yourself up or putting yourself under pressure in the meantime isn’t going help you get there any sooner.